I was browsing the internet – Netflix to be precise and I saw a documentary and a movie ‘The Tinder Swindler’, ‘Inventing Anna’ e.t.c, and these stories just drew my heart to women (Me being amongst them) on what is really going out there we most likely are not aware of.
There are some women falling victim to financial abuse in their marriage, yes! even when married to your significant other you trusted so much. Some women trust their partner so much (not that there’s anything wrong with trusting your partner because I believe it’s one of the ingredients to a successful marriage) and they let go of wisdom. Truly, there are some husbands who exploit their wives just because they know they’re trusted. Having a husband who has such character sometimes doesn’t necessarily make the man a bad husband or father, we women just need to know how to draw boundaries with families, friends, workmates e.t.c. to keep you mentally stable, and maintain your relationship with them. Sometimes the answer is not always a breakup, the answer can sometimes be ‘NO!’ (and keep it consistent) and they will eventually learn to accept you for who you’re.
Watching ‘The Tinder Swindler’ documentary on Netflix, I saw women (the emotionally vulnerable ones) who were in search of love but found disasters. The common thing among these women is called ‘Fantasy’ – some are looking for love from the notion of ‘The Beauty and The Beast’ movie, some got carried away with the Luxury lifestyle, e.t.c. I believe it’s time to outgrow that because finding love is not from a place of movies. Movies are fantasies, entertainment, (even if derived from a true-life story) they remain art, – ‘Not Real’. So finding love from what you made up in your mind will only attract a ‘Tinder Swindler’ because he also lives in the illusion of his mind. He feels entitled to what’s not his and except no consequences.
I believe finding love should start from a place of stability – mental stability that’s not in need. When you’re not in need, even if everything looks ‘rosy, bling-bling,’ you’ll be able to sit back and make a sound decision. A man you’ve only met less than a year is already a burden, you don’t need to do anything for him to affirm your relationship with him. Draw the line when it comes to your finances even if he appears to be rich, draw the line in having sexual intercourse with him even if looks damn good. Many women have told the story of meeting young men that look unreal, giving them the perfect gift, from Chanel bags to Rolex Wristwatches, and picking them up in brand new cars and private jets. The truth is, these luxury products are all hired, and investment to them – they’ll only use £10k to steal £10m from you. So be careful with that.
I believe starting with having your own standards, knowing what you want in a man is important, and having a good relationship with God will help a lot. I know this might sound cliche but they’re the only things that work. Start with real-life experiences, see people in a relationship around you, and learn from their mistakes. Use your family, friends, news, the bible, books, documentaries, e.t.c. to strengthen your mind and spirit before you emerge on a new relationship. If you’re married, have prenups, wills, lawyer friends, pastor friends, therapist friends to secure your future and your children’s if children are involved ( and you can easily talk to them whenever you’re in doubt).
In other cases, the women can be the perpetrator, where they want to earn what they’re didn’t work for – Take ‘Anna Delvey’ from the movie ‘Inventing Anna’ for example, it’s such a character flaw that can end the life of most women. Learn to work hard, it starts from taking your career seriously from secondary school, because that’s where you decide what you want to become in the future. If you don’t train yourself to learn hard work, you will only struggle when the next phase in life appears, if you ignore your career before marriage, you might struggle to pick it up when married with children. Look after yourself – it starts with a well-balanced diet, exercising, having a life coach – like a pastor, hygiene(skincare, bodycare, haircare, and makeup), going on holidays to take a break and reset your mind, and healthy social life (a sound social life exposes you to what’s going on around, makes you wise, and help you release some”love hormone,” oxytocin which is a hormone released in the brain that plays a major role in social relationships…) like going to the club with your friends, make new friends when coming back home, visit the cinema to watch what’s trending, going to the concert with your friends to see your favorite celebs, e.t.c.
Don’t be too carried away with the luxury lifestyle, not that there’s anything wrong with having them, but know that those that have a luxe life can sometimes be living in debt and worst than you the hardworking one with savings. A luxury lifestyle doesn’t always equate to wealth. Wealth includes your total wellbeing (from the soundness of mind to matured spirit, healthy fit body, friends, and family to having savings and investments e.t.c.). Learn to manage your finances – (go for masterclasses that teach that), learn to invest in yourself (learn new skills online that can help develop your career which can lead to financial growth, have goals, and learn to achieve them, e.t.c.).
Study the successful ones in your life from family, friends, influencers, celebrities e.t.c. the truth about these people is that they work hard to become who they’re even your favorite celebs and social influencers. They only followed their passion and used it to make money for themselves.
That’s it! I hope these help many women out there including the growing ones.
By Lola Joseph